Plastic Gunner

She's here...

2009-04-07T21:52:00.003+05:30

The long awaited arrival of my "revitalizer" had come to an end. The unique air purifying + aromatherapy instrument did not disappoint. In the looks department she looks extremely sensuous with her generous curves and crazy hair-do. And boy, did she make a few heads turn and wallets pop out. In the effectiveness department, she didn't disappoint. She gushed out clean air - noticeably better, cleaner air.

This air revitalizing system's unique air cleaning process harnesses the inherent purification properties of water and the natural anti-bacterial qualities of essential oils, to literally wash the air clean. It also has the effect of working as an ioniser, converting positive ions in the air into negative ions, with great benefits to the way you feel. And, unlike most other ionisers, it won't mark your walls.

Kickass, wot?

:D

Give and Take

2008-08-02T21:28:00.002+05:30

This business of give and take hasn't really worked in my favor. Because, I've always given, and when I signal to the fact that I would like a little bit back, all I get is stony, stoic silence - Indifferent to pain, to my emotions, to how I'm feeling...

I don't, all the time, want a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, most of the time, I just need to vent. Because, I know time is the greatest healer of all pain, and pent up emotions only continue scarring. But, NO.

All I'm left with is a broken heart and torn up emotions.

She Can

2008-07-30T18:23:00.005+05:30

Separation is always painful - but, at the same time, is an occasion to rejoice and celebrate some independence in the knowing that 'you can'. Today, Meghana Bhat - my mentor, my friend, my 'bitch-master', my everything in the office, will quit. It is, I hope, an affirmation of her trust in me and my abilities and obviously, an implication that it is time for her to move on and do her thing, because 'she can' .

Meghana has and will continue to be one helluva mind-numbingly-creative maverick, who will try anything once, and everything good, many times over. Her sense of direction and her sense of clarity on issues ranging from a lousy brief to a dollop of ice-cream will be missed, and dearly at that.

With that being said, I salute my mentor, and will now connect with her and plan on how we can manage to take the ride home together. Who said gossip was bad?

Hugs,
Jonathan

Alive

2008-07-21T17:58:00.003+05:30

“I want to feel passion,
I want to feel pain.
I want to weep at the
sound of your name.
Come make me laugh,
come make me cry…
just make
me feel alive.”

- Joey Lauren Adams

Chasing Amy

thanks Dhiraj ...

Maybe?

2008-07-15T22:25:00.002+05:30

KAPASI mixer grinder
J.E. SHAH Masala powder
WIZCRAFT spark plugs & motors
FOUNTAINHEAD plumbers
Infosys Xerox and Cyber Cafe
Walmart Pesticides
Wipro Bathrobes
Aesthetix ass-wipes
Sukh Sagar Pure Veg. Restorant
Google Circus
KPMG Shipping
Delloite Cleaning Services & Toiletries
Maxtron Action Figures

<*will be adding more*>

maybe?

rants.

2008-07-01T19:44:00.002+05:30

I have never felt so distant and vague in my entire life. I feel nagged. I feel as if everyone around me isn't trying as hard as I am. Or is it me? I feel all caged up. I feel like as if i am making too many silent mistakes - mistakes that put me in slices of life that I don't want to be in.

I feel as if everything is going around in a circle. My life's literally, repetition personified. I know, well, most of the time I know what my next moment going to shape up to be. I know what she's going to say. What he's going to do. What my emails are going to say. When i'm going to get my cup of coffee. I JUST KNOW.

There are no surprises. There's no excitement. There is absolutely no reward. THERE IS REMUNERATION - But, that is only a means to an end. Where's that "identity"? Where is the core of my spirit? The core of a man's spirit comes from new experiences - and I don't have any. I used to. Now, I don't.

I have a creative job - one that is supposed to stimulate me, excite me, make my mind orgasm with creative bliss and divine freedom - but, alas, it's just not cutting it.

They talk about convergence, diverse markets, B2B, servicing, cross platform, integration, and the like. But, what they forget that all of "THAT", was already done to death. They don't realize that it's not about "THEM" anymore, it's about "EVERYONE". For me, half a revolution just isn't working.

... change fully or rot completely.

Firefox Download Day 2008

2008-06-13T15:38:00.000+05:30

People, join Mozilla in its mission to set a Guiness World Record for the most software downloaded in 24 hours! Make your pledge now - Download Day's on June 17th!

Peace,
PlasticGunner ^_^

The Game...

2008-05-29T19:38:00.002+05:30

It may sound absurd, but i finally found a woman who was willing to bleed her heart, knowing that she would hurt in the process - all for a few hours of bliss in the sweet, sweet bunch of lies that she chose to believe.

Inside of her, she was torn between loneliness and the fake glory of workaholism. Between the ache of sibling rivalry going wrong and the nostalgic reminiscence of her mother's embrace. Between a habit she wanted to kick and the momentary high...

She was a mess of a muddle and an irony of stability. She knew and she didn't. She wished and she hated. She was irony personified.

But all she wanted was One decision. One choice.

She had been through many.

SouthPark(ed)

2008-03-28T15:13:00.004+05:30

Well, I just thought something lite would be great - ENJOY!

Dad

2008-03-04T15:49:00.002+05:30

He was a young lad when he got off that train. Bombay, as the city was known then, was ever bustling and never sleeping - and his life was just about to start.

His hostel stood near a Red Light Area... But, he preferred the gym to vent his energies. And he studied like there was no tomorrow. Found God. Found his wife. Found his firm. And did everything to "make it".

Then i came into the picture - I was the apple of his eye, and my mom couldn't stop adoring me. Well, things change, but that's ok - they still would love to have dinner with me every night.

And he's given me everything a Dad should - including a Dad.

Today, he's found life - Life, that even cancer can't take.

Love you dad.

Jonathan

Fantasy Island

2008-02-29T15:54:00.003+05:30

I have always had fantasies of being alone on an Island ... with plenty of HOT WATER, HOTTER SENORITAS, COOL BEER and AMAZING FOOD. But, that will never happen - unless i take to acting in a couple of Hollywood blockbusters OR big-budget porno flicks with Jenna Jenson as the lead slu.. oops i mean, actress.

Fantasies should be banned by the consumer courts, because they are misleading in a sadistic sorta way!

Yea right!! Like that's going to happen!

So, keep fantasizing, if you're interested in getting disappointed - EVERY SINGLE TIME!

How Meghana re-built my house and cloned my bitch

2008-02-29T15:30:00.003+05:30

I'm new. I don't know how it's done - but i do it my own way. I'm talking about building my house and owning my own female types dog. And when i say house - i mean pictures, words, graphics, fonts - the works. And when i mean owning my female types dog - i mean making everyone envious of my house. I know, it's a little difficult to understand - but, you've all been in this place before.

Everytime you try to do something new - someone old comes by and tell you "HOW" its done. Now, this is a good thing - especially when you're learning - But, to see your own creation falling to pieces or being torn apart hurts a little.

But, yea - i get paid to get my house re-built over and over again and get praise for a cloned bitch.

I know you haven't understood my happy drift - and that's because you ain't Meghana's bitch.

Cigarette Burns

2008-02-28T18:17:00.006+05:30

I thought he was the "best" out there... I knew i had lost a great guru. I knew we'd never share that joke over the old hags wearing mini-skirts in the office. I had miles to go. He had run the marathon - many times over. Was he tired? Did he need some water?

I don't think he ever asked. I wish he knew - maybe his subconscious knew, but he didn't.

I remember flicking a smoke of his table and nearly destroying his zippo. And he gave me a good cigarette burn - hehehe - No, he didn't - I kid thee.

Sometimes, we amateurs take our first puff of this world. But, people like him know that a cigarette burns.

Office Banter

2008-02-26T11:38:00.003+05:30

Me: Hi ... how's the weather that side of the office?

She: well...there was a hail storm a while back and the corriander trees were behaving quite retarded as a result of the same..although nw peace and quite has been resumed due to the very sincere efforts of the manpowers..."this" side of the office...

Me: Babe... U need to seriously get your ass into the COPY team ... and like, PRONTO! :D ... btw, i felt a cherry roll by... (yes, that was a vain attempt to cpy your style!)

She: i thought one of the cherries fell of jupiter this morn..nw we all knw where it rolled off to...shame on the cherry...am going to get my side to conspire against it...

Me: hmm ... I think we both need to go to Goddess Eliphixium and ask of her advice ... The cherrian people are a small, but violent lot. Also, my jam guns don't work... if only you could repair them and get your laser goggs, we'd be an unbeatable team!

She: dnt lie.

Me: FINE! DON'T HELP ME! I'm going to NIYATI!

She: for wht joy jonaaathan?

Me: hehehehe ... OK! Now stop it ... U don't wanna help in any case!

Soul Fish

2008-02-25T16:10:00.004+05:30

She never calls, emails, or chats - But, she paints!

Enter - Jessica.

Superficially Superior Monologues

2008-02-25T13:23:00.002+05:30

There was once this fox who was quite melo -theatrical. What upset him the most is the fact that all the fruits around his homely abode hung so far above him. They were thus partially superior to him. He was intimidated by gigantic burgers throughout his babyhood and did not want to face the same trauma and concentrated poignant twinge.

So he decided to darn a skirt for himself just to make his strut happy. Although the threads obtainable in the adjacent stratosphere were quite feeble. They refused to collaborate with him, and they had relentless quarrels, which would inevitably lead to a hyper musical atomic dance cum exhibition, where the threads emerged as ever blooming winners.

Foxy then stumbled upon a filthy donut. The donut, being the malleable individual that his mother had carved him into, asked foxy, “do you think the moon is capable of pigging out on the stars every night?” Foxy convinced his brain to lubricate his medulla oblongata and thus thought about this very intellectually stimulating query. Alas the wind blew the other way that day, forcing foxy’s brain to forfeit. The battleship from the west wing then came into play. TADA! Cinderella emerges from the battleship, which without human intervention turns indiscernible after she alights. Cindrella conveniently forgets about the malevolent repulsive beast who had accompanied her throughout her long quest for donuts.. And to think the beast even taught her how to pronounce German nouns while twirling around in utter joy! Talk about gratitude…Exit Cinderella.

Oops! Cindy dropped her corset on the way…Re Enter Cinderella..(Cindrella hops skips and jumps a daisy!!!) Exit (a new sculpt of Cinderella: gay, pink, bloated, harmonious and scratchy) Foxy on the other hand was very worried about the fruits basking in their fruitistic glory. The pumpkin being synonymous to mother earth, plotted an evil plan to steal foxy’s teddy bear’s buttoned nose, not to forget the bigger picture which involved stealing foxy’s solar energized hard drive. This hard drive lay embedded under teddy’s nose… (Old mc Donald had an egg..e I e I yo!!!with a cluck cluck here…and a cluck cluck there.here a cluck ..there a cluck...everywhere…a cluck cluck) BAM BAM BAM….ANDDDDDD the pumpkin’s down with bird flu.

Abort mission steal buttoned nose + hard drive. Cinderella wanted to butter the 5th hole on the left side of her waffle, which was symmetrical to her nose. So foxy offered Cindy his backbone on which she rode deep into the debris of the earth. With the help of just the right amount of volcanic emission, rock and gravel, Cindy churned beautiful butter right beside the antiestablishment lake. Foxy and Cindy gave each other manicures, facials and pedicures with the butter, and they obviously rented their auricles to each other…never to be returned again. Once borrowed, forever in debt.

Their hearts amalgamated into one another but their souls protested. And then foxy tickled Cindy’s toes and her sole jumped with joy, thus conning the soul. They promised to remain co joined from their hips forever, and provide their offspring’s with tulip-flavored sandwiches to retaliate against the filthy donut. And they featured in the “ happily ever before, after and forever” series of Rambo.. { [ with the evil beast (who escorted Cindy) lingering in foxy’s lush behind] only to be blown out each time he released gassy acids} Note: BODMAS has been used.

Moral of the story:
1) If you are the fruit, don’t hang idle from the ends of fat branches because your own weights going to weight u down some day or the other.

2) If you’re the fox, then u should be washing your filthy smelly skirt instead of whiling away your time reading enlightening scriptures like these.

3) If you are Cindy, then you are just gay. And portly. And ham-fisted. And supercalifagilistic-expealidociously pre-occupied by your toenails.

4) If you’re the filthy donut then launch yourself in a rocket and dance around partially naked, chill in the oven and get baked.

5) If you’re a beast try and reform into a breast. It is prettier. Please note two breasts will be prettier than one. So if you are in sync with the brilliance of reproduction, you may proceed…

(P.S.: Used with permission from my ultra-cool and extremely similarly-wonked out "Me"Thali!)

Happy Birthday!!

2008-02-25T12:57:00.001+05:30

It's the birthday of novelist and composer Anthony Burgess, in Manchester, England (1917). He's best known for his book A Clockwork Orange (1962), but he also wrote many musical compositions and more than 50 other books, as well.

Burgess said, "I call myself a professional writer in that I must write in order to eat... But primarily I call myself a serious novelist who is attempting to extend the range of subject matter available to fiction, as also a practitioner who is anxious to exploit words as much as a poet does."

Nothing is LOST

2008-02-25T12:53:00.001+05:30

Deep in our sub-conscious, we are told Lie all our memories, lie all the notes Of all the music we have ever heard And all the phrases those we loved have spoken, Sorrows and losses time has since consoled, Family jokes, out-moded anecdotes Each sentimental souvenir and token Everything seen, experienced, each word Addressed to us in infancy, before Before we could even know or understand The implications of our wonderland.
There they all are, the legendary lies The birthday treats, the sights, the sounds, the tears Forgotten debris of forgotten years Waiting to be recalled, waiting to rise Before our world dissolves before our eyes Waiting for some small, intimate reminder, A word, a tune, a known familiar scent An echo from the past when, innocent We looked upon the present with delight And doubted not the future would be kinder And never knew the loneliness of night.

Relationship Overdrive

2008-02-25T12:30:00.001+05:30

I was bored to death, still working on a presentation for a bottle of vodka, had to name a trash can for AIG, and i needed to scream my lungs out at the life i was going through.

So, last night, she sends me this SMS and i have fought with myself the whole of yesterday NOT TO CALL HER ... Anyway, the SMS was: listen to this song... BREAKAWAY... Goodnight.

WHAT THE FCUK?

Anyway, i sleep it off. In the morning, i sit on the potty and think, while grunting away the motions, why do i love her so much? Why does she love me so much? I'm only a young lad! She's at the point of getting married! Why do i fall for older women? Is it taboo? Why is amma always telling me that she's not the right woman?

Then i asked myself - Is she my stumbling stone? Who am i?

Arrghh! The mindlessness of this whole thing!

Someone I cared for put it to me: Who do you think you are? I went down the list of all the many possibilities carefully — did it twice — but couldn't find a plausible one. That was when I knew for the first time who in fact I wasn't.
- Cid Corman

(I'll probably know in the due course of time ... For now, i'll name the Trash Can)