Friday, February 29, 2008

Fantasy Island


I have always had fantasies of being alone on an Island ... with plenty of HOT WATER, HOTTER SENORITAS, COOL BEER and AMAZING FOOD. But, that will never happen - unless i take to acting in a couple of Hollywood blockbusters OR big-budget porno flicks with Jenna Jenson as the lead slu.. oops i mean, actress.

Fantasies should be banned by the consumer courts, because they are misleading in a sadistic sorta way!

Yea right!! Like that's going to happen!

So, keep fantasizing, if you're interested in getting disappointed - EVERY SINGLE TIME!

How Meghana re-built my house and cloned my bitch


I'm new. I don't know how it's done - but i do it my own way. I'm talking about building my house and owning my own female types dog. And when i say house - i mean pictures, words, graphics, fonts - the works. And when i mean owning my female types dog - i mean making everyone envious of my house. I know, it's a little difficult to understand - but, you've all been in this place before.

Everytime you try to do something new - someone old comes by and tell you "HOW" its done. Now, this is a good thing - especially when you're learning - But, to see your own creation falling to pieces or being torn apart hurts a little.

But, yea - i get paid to get my house re-built over and over again and get praise for a cloned bitch.

I know you haven't understood my happy drift - and that's because you ain't Meghana's bitch.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Cigarette Burns


I thought he was the "best" out there... I knew i had lost a great guru. I knew we'd never share that joke over the old hags wearing mini-skirts in the office. I had miles to go. He had run the marathon - many times over. Was he tired? Did he need some water?

I don't think he ever asked. I wish he knew - maybe his subconscious knew, but he didn't.

I remember flicking a smoke of his table and nearly destroying his zippo. And he gave me a good cigarette burn - hehehe - No, he didn't - I kid thee.

Sometimes, we amateurs take our first puff of this world. But, people like him know that a cigarette burns.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Office Banter


Me: Hi ... how's the weather that side of the office?

She: well...there was a hail storm a while back and the corriander trees were behaving quite retarded as a result of the same..although nw peace and quite has been resumed due to the very sincere efforts of the manpowers..."this" side of the office...

Me: Babe... U need to seriously get your ass into the COPY team ... and like, PRONTO! :D ... btw, i felt a cherry roll by... (yes, that was a vain attempt to cpy your style!)

She: i thought one of the cherries fell of jupiter this morn..nw we all knw where it rolled off to...shame on the cherry...am going to get my side to conspire against it...

Me: hmm ... I think we both need to go to Goddess Eliphixium and ask of her advice ... The cherrian people are a small, but violent lot. Also, my jam guns don't work... if only you could repair them and get your laser goggs, we'd be an unbeatable team!

She: dnt lie.

Me: FINE! DON'T HELP ME! I'm going to NIYATI!

She: for wht joy jonaaathan?

Me:
hehehehe ... OK! Now stop it ... U don't wanna help in any case!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Soul Fish


She never calls, emails, or chats - But, she paints!

Enter - Jessica.



Superficially Superior Monologues


There was once this fox who was quite melo -theatrical. What upset him the most is the fact that all the fruits around his homely abode hung so far above him. They were thus partially superior to him. He was intimidated by gigantic burgers throughout his babyhood and did not want to face the same trauma and concentrated poignant twinge.

So he decided to darn a skirt for himself just to make his strut happy. Although the threads obtainable in the adjacent stratosphere were quite feeble. They refused to collaborate with him, and they had relentless quarrels, which would inevitably lead to a hyper musical atomic dance cum exhibition, where the threads emerged as ever blooming winners.

Foxy then stumbled upon a filthy donut. The donut, being the malleable individual that his mother had carved him into, asked foxy, “do you think the moon is capable of pigging out on the stars every night?” Foxy convinced his brain to lubricate his medulla oblongata and thus thought about this very intellectually stimulating query. Alas the wind blew the other way that day, forcing foxy’s brain to forfeit.
The battleship from the west wing then came into play. TADA! Cinderella emerges from the battleship, which without human intervention turns indiscernible after she alights. Cindrella conveniently forgets about the malevolent repulsive beast who had accompanied her throughout her long quest for donuts.. And to think the beast even taught her how to pronounce German nouns while twirling around in utter joy! Talk about gratitude…Exit Cinderella.

Oops! Cindy dropped her corset on the way…Re Enter Cinderella..(Cindrella hops skips and jumps a daisy!!!) Exit (a new sculpt of Cinderella: gay, pink, bloated, harmonious and scratchy)
Foxy on the other hand was very worried about the fruits basking in their fruitistic glory. The pumpkin being synonymous to mother earth, plotted an evil plan to steal foxy’s teddy bear’s buttoned nose, not to forget the bigger picture which involved stealing foxy’s solar energized hard drive. This hard drive lay embedded under teddy’s nose… (Old mc Donald had an egg..e I e I yo!!!with a cluck cluck here…and a cluck cluck there.here a cluck ..there a cluck...everywhere…a cluck cluck) BAM BAM BAM….ANDDDDDD the pumpkin’s down with bird flu.

Abort mission steal buttoned nose + hard drive.
Cinderella wanted to butter the 5th hole on the left side of her waffle, which was symmetrical to her nose. So foxy offered Cindy his backbone on which she rode deep into the debris of the earth. With the help of just the right amount of volcanic emission, rock and gravel, Cindy churned beautiful butter right beside the antiestablishment lake. Foxy and Cindy gave each other manicures, facials and pedicures with the butter, and they obviously rented their auricles to each other…never to be returned again. Once borrowed, forever in debt.

Their hearts amalgamated into one another but their souls protested. And then foxy tickled Cindy’s toes and her sole jumped with joy, thus conning the soul. They promised to remain co joined from their hips forever, and provide their offspring’s with tulip-flavored sandwiches to retaliate against the filthy donut. And they featured in the “ happily ever before, after and forever” series of Rambo.. { [ with the evil beast (who escorted Cindy) lingering in foxy’s lush behind] only to be blown out each time he released gassy acids}
Note: BODMAS has been used.

Moral of the story:
1) If you are the fruit, don’t hang idle from the ends of fat branches because your own weights going to weight u down some day or the other.

2) If you’re the fox, then u should be washing your filthy smelly skirt instead of whiling away your time reading enlightening scriptures like these.

3) If you are Cindy, then you are just gay. And portly. And ham-fisted. And supercalifagilistic-expealidociously pre-occupied by your toenails.


4) If you’re the filthy donut then launch yourself in a rocket and dance around partially naked, chill in the oven and get baked.

5) If you’re a beast try and reform into a breast. It is prettier. Please note two breasts will be prettier than one. So if you are in sync with the brilliance of reproduction, you may proceed…

(P.S.: Used with permission from my ultra-cool and extremely similarly-wonked out "Me"Thali!)

Happy Birthday!!


It's the birthday of novelist and composer Anthony Burgess, in Manchester, England (1917). He's best known for his book A Clockwork Orange (1962), but he also wrote many musical compositions and more than 50 other books, as well.

Burgess said, "I call myself a professional writer in that I must write in order to eat... But primarily I call myself a serious novelist who is attempting to extend the range of subject matter available to fiction, as also a practitioner who is anxious to exploit words as much as a poet does."


Nothing is LOST


Deep in our sub-conscious, we are told Lie all our memories, lie all the notes Of all the music we have ever heard And all the phrases those we loved have spoken, Sorrows and losses time has since consoled, Family jokes, out-moded anecdotes Each sentimental souvenir and token Everything seen, experienced, each word Addressed to us in infancy, before Before we could even know or understand The implications of our wonderland.
There they all are, the legendary lies The birthday treats, the sights, the sounds, the tears Forgotten debris of forgotten years Waiting to be recalled, waiting to rise Before our world dissolves before our eyes Waiting for some small, intimate reminder, A word, a tune, a known familiar scent An echo from the past when, innocent We looked upon the present with delight And doubted not the future would be kinder And never knew the loneliness of night.


Relationship Overdrive

I was bored to death, still working on a presentation for a bottle of vodka, had to name a trash can for AIG, and i needed to scream my lungs out at the life i was going through.

So, last night, she sends me this SMS and i have fought with myself the whole of yesterday NOT TO CALL HER ... Anyway, the SMS was: listen to this song... BREAKAWAY... Goodnight.

WHAT THE FCUK?

Anyway, i sleep it off. In the morning, i sit on the potty and think, while grunting away the motions, why do i love her so much? Why does she love me so much? I'm only a young lad! She's at the point of getting married! Why do i fall for older women? Is it taboo? Why is amma always telling me that she's not the right woman?

Then i asked myself - Is she my stumbling stone? Who am i?

Arrghh! The mindlessness of this whole thing!

Someone I cared for put it to me: Who do you think you are? I went down the list of all the many possibilities carefully — did it twice — but couldn't find a plausible one. That was when I knew for the first time who in fact I wasn't.
- Cid Corman

(I'll probably know in the due course of time ... For now, i'll name the Trash Can)