Monday, February 25, 2008

Superficially Superior Monologues


There was once this fox who was quite melo -theatrical. What upset him the most is the fact that all the fruits around his homely abode hung so far above him. They were thus partially superior to him. He was intimidated by gigantic burgers throughout his babyhood and did not want to face the same trauma and concentrated poignant twinge.

So he decided to darn a skirt for himself just to make his strut happy. Although the threads obtainable in the adjacent stratosphere were quite feeble. They refused to collaborate with him, and they had relentless quarrels, which would inevitably lead to a hyper musical atomic dance cum exhibition, where the threads emerged as ever blooming winners.

Foxy then stumbled upon a filthy donut. The donut, being the malleable individual that his mother had carved him into, asked foxy, “do you think the moon is capable of pigging out on the stars every night?” Foxy convinced his brain to lubricate his medulla oblongata and thus thought about this very intellectually stimulating query. Alas the wind blew the other way that day, forcing foxy’s brain to forfeit.
The battleship from the west wing then came into play. TADA! Cinderella emerges from the battleship, which without human intervention turns indiscernible after she alights. Cindrella conveniently forgets about the malevolent repulsive beast who had accompanied her throughout her long quest for donuts.. And to think the beast even taught her how to pronounce German nouns while twirling around in utter joy! Talk about gratitude…Exit Cinderella.

Oops! Cindy dropped her corset on the way…Re Enter Cinderella..(Cindrella hops skips and jumps a daisy!!!) Exit (a new sculpt of Cinderella: gay, pink, bloated, harmonious and scratchy)
Foxy on the other hand was very worried about the fruits basking in their fruitistic glory. The pumpkin being synonymous to mother earth, plotted an evil plan to steal foxy’s teddy bear’s buttoned nose, not to forget the bigger picture which involved stealing foxy’s solar energized hard drive. This hard drive lay embedded under teddy’s nose… (Old mc Donald had an egg..e I e I yo!!!with a cluck cluck here…and a cluck cluck there.here a cluck ..there a cluck...everywhere…a cluck cluck) BAM BAM BAM….ANDDDDDD the pumpkin’s down with bird flu.

Abort mission steal buttoned nose + hard drive.
Cinderella wanted to butter the 5th hole on the left side of her waffle, which was symmetrical to her nose. So foxy offered Cindy his backbone on which she rode deep into the debris of the earth. With the help of just the right amount of volcanic emission, rock and gravel, Cindy churned beautiful butter right beside the antiestablishment lake. Foxy and Cindy gave each other manicures, facials and pedicures with the butter, and they obviously rented their auricles to each other…never to be returned again. Once borrowed, forever in debt.

Their hearts amalgamated into one another but their souls protested. And then foxy tickled Cindy’s toes and her sole jumped with joy, thus conning the soul. They promised to remain co joined from their hips forever, and provide their offspring’s with tulip-flavored sandwiches to retaliate against the filthy donut. And they featured in the “ happily ever before, after and forever” series of Rambo.. { [ with the evil beast (who escorted Cindy) lingering in foxy’s lush behind] only to be blown out each time he released gassy acids}
Note: BODMAS has been used.

Moral of the story:
1) If you are the fruit, don’t hang idle from the ends of fat branches because your own weights going to weight u down some day or the other.

2) If you’re the fox, then u should be washing your filthy smelly skirt instead of whiling away your time reading enlightening scriptures like these.

3) If you are Cindy, then you are just gay. And portly. And ham-fisted. And supercalifagilistic-expealidociously pre-occupied by your toenails.


4) If you’re the filthy donut then launch yourself in a rocket and dance around partially naked, chill in the oven and get baked.

5) If you’re a beast try and reform into a breast. It is prettier. Please note two breasts will be prettier than one. So if you are in sync with the brilliance of reproduction, you may proceed…

(P.S.: Used with permission from my ultra-cool and extremely similarly-wonked out "Me"Thali!)

1 comment:

Clyde said...

Reminds me a lil of tom robbins, was good fun to read! Keep at it and ill be a loyal fan!